My last race a collegiate athlete did not go exactly as planned. All four years at ISU I have somehow made my way into the finals of the 800 at the MVC championships (indoor and out) except outdoor my freshman year. Especially after my miraculous entrance into the final this indoor season, the pressure was on to make it this year. Somehow the meet got behind 30 or so minutes and my warm-up and everything pre-race was completely thrown off. Normally it'd be easy to adjust, but with the unusually cold weather and looking back now, I didn't adjust. I had a good starting position and going off the heat sheet, I knew I'd be leading at least that first lap. Sure enough, after cut-in I was leading. About 300m in the Drake girl got gutsy and threw in a surge and cut me off. Goldcamp (Bradley) got around her so mentally I told myself "good. now just stick on them and let them do the work." Next thing I know, I'm on the backstretch being swallowed up by the entire pack of girls. My legs locked up on me and I couldn't do anything else but watch them run away from me. Something wouldn't let me give up and I got one of those girls back the last 20 or so meters. About 150m to the finish though, I was pretty down about this being how I was closing out my career.
I fought back tears as I walked back to my stuff. I watched the next two heats go and saw how FAST they were. 2:11 winning heat #2 (Brunk, you're ridic) and 2:10 #3. My dad must have seen me playing with my phone because all of a sudden I got a text from him saying "we're leaving." Not exactly the kind words I was in need of in this moment. So, I walked over to he and my mom and dad gave me a hug. I started to weep and he continued to hug me. I actually pushed him away because I just did not want to be there, I wanted my secluded pity party. Invite list: 1. He started talking about my race, asking if I had gotten hurt or something with the sudden shift in my racing taking place on the backstretch. I just pushed him and my mom away and said I didn't want to talk about it right now. He got mad with my reaction and left the meet to drive back home. I'm not happy with the way I had reacted, but figured he of all people would respect my space in that precious time, realizing that was the end. ((My dad was a gymnast at ISU back in the day and finished out his career 1 spot out of All-American in the vault)).
So then I headed to our tent for that much needed pity party. I sat there watching the 400H races and may have let a tear or two loose. A couple friends were texting me at the time, offering some kind words and what not. All of a sudden I saw Dustin Betz's mom approaching me and was kind of mad about it, because clearly I was throwing myself that party for 1. She hadn't seen my race though, and didn't know what was up. Just talking to her smoothed everything over. I'm not even sure at this point what we talked about. Something about my future plans and whatnot, but it's kind of fuzzy. Then Gartland came over to us and told me he was sorry he had to miss my race, but he was dealing with a jump off in high jump where CoCo ended up WINNING! I told him clearly that was okay and filled him in on the race. Then the ever upbeat Kyle Walsh came over with a big hug for me. I joined him on the alumni list at this point. So by this time I was just so over everything. Talking to Kyle and my friends via text, I came to realize a couple things:
1. Even if I'd had a solid race, similar to what I'd run a few weeks ago (2:14 as opposed to... blehh ashamed to admit my time... 2:20), I still wouldn't have made the finals. My outdoor PR is 2:13.54 and THAT would not have made the finals! TWO girls ran 2:13s and didn't make the finals! It was just an extremely fast year in the 800.
2. This last race of mine leaves an extremely bitter taste in my mouth. God is telling me I cannot get lazy and just plain forget about racing. I need to continue to train and race while I still have access to do so. I had talked about still racing here and there next year, but pretty much just to do it. Now I see that I need to do it not out of spite (keeping that runner body...), but for a greater purpose.
So sure, I'm done being a collegiate athlete, but I will NEVER be done being a runner (God-willing of course... this body is extremely expendable). That's the joy of our sport. With football, volleyball, etc., when you're done, you're done. We can continue doing our sport for the rest of our lives at our own discretion. And there are ALWAYS races to jump into! So I'm giving myself 2 weeks to hang out, forget about training, probably add on some pounds and what not. And then it's right back to the 'ol grindstone. I traded in my last pair of team issued Brooks shoes for the latest Mizuno Inspires, and they're just burning in their box, ready to be used :)
Until next time... "In his heart a man plans his course,but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9
ISUT&F Seniors 2010
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